“There is no leadership challenge!”

There is no leadership challenge

As Titanurasians prepared for Christmas shopping with what little money they have left after forking out for outrageous utility bills caused by bureaucratic stuff ups the inner circle pour over internal polling.

To say the news is disappointing is what one might describe as an underestimation.

The Premiere of the Province of Titanuranus was of the belief that tight austerity measures announced in the budget 6 months earlier would earn the respect of the voting public and the Premiere would be seen as ‘strong’.

Some of us in the press gallery were of the same view as was the entire inner circle.

Press Conference

However, one of our colleagues in the press gallery at the budget day press conference, Natt Penholm, from The Titanuranusian,  asked the question.


“You do realise you have just written your own death certificate don’t you?”.

Of course the Premiere disagreed but that question had stuck in my mind.

At first Titanuranusians thought cutting back the ‘suits’ in the civil service would go down well.

After all, all they do is sit around staring at graphs and thinking up ways to make life harder than it is already is.

But, as reality does, reality set in!

Turkeys won’t vote for an early Christmas so who gets the chop?

Front line services

Front line services:  nurses, police, emergency services, schools, hospitals.

For the opposition it is manna from heaven!

Titanuranusians react angrily.

Rallies, marches, biscuit drives.

The Province Architect is spotted outside the Ivory Tower seeking reassurance, as is the Province Social Inclusion Commissioner.

The Climate Change office is busy flushing shower timers down the toilet and the Climate Change Adaptation Unit have locked their door and are busy ‘adapting’ to each other.

The sycophants in the inner circle fly into action.

Crusty, the CEO, is frantically typing a memo to the staff, the opposition, the unions and the media.

“I will attach a diagram of the Westminster System” he proudly exclaims.

The Senior Political Adviser has just scored an eight letter word in Scrabble and is busy doing cartwheels in the hallway.

The Senior Economic Adviser has set up a graph on an easel and is frantically jerking himself off.

“Next graph please”.

Meanwhile the backbenchers are restless.

Restless locals

They are bunkered down in their electorate offices as their constituents are outside throwing rocks and empty tins of dog food.

The phones are running hot to the office to one of the ambitious young men on the front bench.

He has the numbers but they are not as decisive as he would like.

Anyway, the timing is appalling, it is Christmas.

A government insider tells me that the Premiere has a cunning plan.

The Premiere calls each member of the team in one by one to placate them with the story that legislation will be introduced to increase the numbers in the House.

This means that although they will still get slaughtered at the polls they will still retain their seats.

This is flawed logic as an increase in numbers is not achievable.

Politicians are generally not the sharpest tools in the shed however and fall for it hook, line and sinker.

After all, it is their own arse they are concerned about, not the health and well being of society.

A faceless man

The problem is solved for now.

But who to blame.

Blame needs to be laid anywhere but at the government’s own feet.

One of the inner circle comes up with the answer.

“We will blame the faceless men in the unions”.

The entire inner circle celebrate.

Facelesss men

“How devious” says one.

“So clever” says another.

“A stroke of genius” proclaims a third.

Meanwhile the faceless men and Titanuranusians in general go about their Christmas shopping with what little money they have left after paying the electricity bill.