On the Road Again

On the Road Again

Tiatnuranusians like to see their elected representatives now and then and In order to keep the prize that is government it is necessary to move around the province as much as a government can.
This is a made difficult by the fact that the parliament sits in the capital and the government is run out of the capital itself.

These excursions are known as ‘road trips’ and the Premiere always goes on these trips bearing gifts.

The Press gallery generally go on these road trips as well just in case the Premiere falls off a ladder.

We, the press gallery are about to set off on one of these road trips.

A comprehensive one across most of the province including the government’s much vaunted regional community meetings.

Aquatic Centre?

Titanuranusians are somewhat parochial.

If one town has an aquatic centre every town wants an aquatic centre.

Our first stop is Westborough, population = 1,357.



Aquatic Centre?

The locals have formed a committee and drawn up plans for an aquatic centre and asked their local member to get the funding.

As we await the Premiere’s arrival a local chap asks “this is not about this bloody aquatic centre is it?

We don’t need an aquatic centre” he says.

“We need a medical centre and a new fire engine.

There is a bloody great brand new aquatic centre 20 minutes away in Lorenston.”

The local is led away down the High Street by government staffers to the pub with promise of free beer for the next hour just as the Premiere's limousine pulls up and the cameras start rolling.

The One Millionth Passenger

We are waiting for the government owned airline (The TA Line) flight TA87 to land at Lorenston Airport.

The one millionth passenger is due to arrive with much fanfare.

I ask a government staffer what method is used to determine just who is the one millionth passenger.

“The most photogenic of course” he replies.

“There she is now, grab hold of the one in the red dress” he tells his colleagues.

The one millionth passenger

She is whisked away to a private room provided by the airport authorities to meet the Premiere.

They are in luck. Not only is she good looking, she can string a sentence together as well.

The lucky passenger is showered with gifts and the Premiere takes all the credit for buying the airline in the first place.

The 10 Days on Titanuranus Arts Festival

We arrive at Swan-on-Sea to see a sculpture which has been created as part of the 10 Days on Titanuranus Arts festival.

However all hell has broken loose.

An artist has produced a sculpture of an anchovy made of anchovies.

It has a distinct odour to it.

A quick get way!

The Mayor is demanding the sculpture be taken to the local tip as it “stinks to high heaven” and is driving tourists away.

The artist protests he will not be taking it to the tip as it is “a work of bloody art”.

A quick decision is made to give the event a miss.

The government’s much vaunted regional community meetings

These meetings supposedly connect the Government with the local council and the local community to establish better relationships.

The Premiere begins the speech no matter where in the province they are with the statement “Well it is good to be back in my favourite little part of the province.

The locals lap it up.

A government staffer tells me she has been going to these things for 12 years and the first one she went to was right here in this very hall in Spottsdale.

She points out several locals who were at that forum 12 years ago.

She refers to them as poor silly saps, who would be if they could be and sad bastards in general.

She also tells me 3% of those invited by mail actually turn up.

It is a controlled situation developed over the years where nothing can go wrong and even better nothing is achieved.

"... my favourite litte part of the province"

The staffer tells me if the taxpayer knew how much of these charades costs they would be horrified.

I think to myself the taxpayer would be horrified in general.